I am happy to report the nursing is going well and she is gaining weight. This is a concern because she needs to be able to fatten up before the 'big surgery day'. I realize how strange the following statement is going to sound, but I must add this is how I feel. I really don't want her to have surgery because I am OK with her face. I don't mind the cleft at all. However, I know what pressures women have in society...well, people in general to look a certain way and so, for her benefit she must have the cleft repaired.
I am nervous about the surgery because I have never really left my babies in their first year of life with anyone outside my family. Even when left them with family it was just the amount of time it took to get to the movie theater (5 min.) and the normal movie time. Plus, I've nursed all my children and couldn't leave them alone for very long. Surgery is a burden to your nerves, well, I am thinking it will be since this is my first experience with a child needing one. The idea of how she will look afterwards is unsettling in the extreme. I really don't want to think about it.
We find out next week what will need to be done. We will be going out to meet her treatment team. Then I will not be speculating, but know for sure what we are 'in for'. She is a determined child. Her spirit is strong. She has already begun to master lifting up her head. She tried doing this a few days after birth. It's amazing to me. I know she will have the fight in her to get through this little bump in the road and any other wrench life has to throw at her in the future.
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