I have been debating whether or not to post this news of mine. Not everyone in my family knows about this, but I do know they never read my blog. Pretty sad, huh? So, I am safe to keep my secret with just me. I need to document this for....well, for myself. Plus, I only have 4 followers to my blog and know my friends are respectful and discrete enough to just send me a message or e-mail rather than posting it on my facebook wall. I am blessed to have good friends around me. :D
In December I had an ultra sound to determine if I was going to be opted out of my home birth. I was worried because I am fearful of hospitals. The ultra sound showed my placenta had moved up and this is what we needed to hear to proceed with the home birth. However, we also received news that our child would be born with a birth defect. In fact, for every 600 births in America, one baby is born with this same defect.
The causes for this are unknown; however, there are some links that it is hereditary. It is more prevalent amongst Latinos, Asians and Native Americans. We had a double whammy as I am Latina and my husband Native American. My brother was born with this defect and my husband's sister had a son with it as well.
When I first found out I cried. I was worried I did something wrong, but there are many cases of women who did everything right and the baby still was born with a cleft lip and/or palate. I began to receive impressions, well, the Holy Spirit began to impress this was going to be the case before I even had the ultrasound.
I was thinking one day how I was going to have to post pictures of my baby on facebook since I moved so far away from most of my family. As soon as this thought came into my head another one popped up and said, "You won't be able to post this baby's picture." I thought it was odd to think this since I have posted others, but I dismissed it.
At other times when thinking of the baby this thought would pierce my mind...."There is something wrong with this baby." Then the story of Jesus and disciples from John 9:1-3 would pop into my mind. I wondered why and kept this to myself. Why would I share it with my husband? He would think I was nuts and paranoid about this baby. So, I kept these things hidden in my heart.
When I went to the ultra sound the technician said something that was odd. She said, "They might want you to do another ultra sound later." "Why?" I asked. "Oh, it's because you are doing a home birth and midwifes do that here."
Mmmmm I wondered in myself. This is weird. I never had to do this before. Then the thought came again...."There is something wrong with the baby." I dismissed it as being a regulation for this part of the country as insurance law can vary from state to state. However, the ultra sound showed her lip was not developed. They said the palate was there, but all my research on-line shows there is no way to see if a palate is in tact. So, it's best prepare myself that her lip and palate are both going to have a cleft in it since this is usually the case.
While I was researching my 5-year-old son came over to me and saw a picture of a baby. He asked me why the baby looked like this....(see: http://www.cleftline.org/story_of_the_month/spt02)
I told him the baby was sick and was born this way. I told him how our baby might look like this too. He said, "I don't want my baby to come out like that." Well, honestly, no parent does, but sometimes things happen. We don't know why and really should refrain from asking "Why?" The only answer I have found in the scriptures is these "defects" are done for the works of God to be manifest in them. What those works are remain to be seen in our situation. Is it more for her or us or those around us? All I know is Heavenly Father knows how this can bring about the truth of "...all things work together for good..."
Where am I now with this situation? I am only asking "How?" and "What?" How can I be privileged to be the mother of a child with this need? What did I do to show I can handle this situation? All I know is that I have always thought parents of children with any kind of aliment were extremely special people. But me? I know why my husband was and is able to father any sort of child. He is truly special in my opinion. I guess it does not matter what I think about my abilities to mother a child needing (maybe?) multiple surgeries and to be fed in a different way because my Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself. He knows my strengths and all my weaknesses better than I, which makes me truly grateful. I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who watches over me, loves me and knows all my needs.
I like what my husband said to me on our way home after hearing this news. "Everyone has scars...some people have them inside of them and others have it on the outside. I'd rather have more of the outside scars than the ones inside." He is right. The ones inside sometimes happen due to bad choices we make or others make. Sometimes these are the harder ones to overcome.
I know she will overcome this situation because she will always know that she is a child of God. Life has purpose, a wonderful plan and she has a Heavenly Father who loves her.