There is beauty in life and life is beauty. I read this somewhere, but at the moment I can't recall where or who said it. I'd like to add here that there are times when you feel like you can't find the beauty. Life can be hard.
Motherhood: the highest calling a woman can have. Sometimes this calling/job, although great, can be the hardest, dirtiest and the most demanding. This week has proven to be the case. I have not been a Mommy this week. I have been a referee. I have been a janitor. I have been a seamstress. I have been a servant, sometimes willing, but truthfully, sometimes in times like this, an unwilling and selfish servant. Being a stay-at-home mother is the hardest thing I have EVER done in my life. My patience is on a Ferris Wheel going around and around through the cycle of being tried and tested. My heart is often broken. I have cried alone and in front of my children in despair. I have yelled when my temper got the better of me. Self mastery is a muscle I feel I have let atrophy. I was letting my body corrupt my spirit instead of letting my spirit lead my body to a more Christ-like Spirit. During weeks like this, I would like to go out, excuse me, RUN OUT, of the house and find a dark cave to hid in, but I can't. I am the MOMMY. Running is NEVER an option! Well, unless it is to chase down a child who refuses to get their diaper changed or nose cleaned or get tickled; then it is ALWAYS the option.
In my dark cloud of "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I am reminded of a truth. A gentle soft voice reminds me. A voice that cannot be heard with the ear, but with the heart. A voice talking from the Spirit to the spirit. "This is what life is about....families," He says to me. A family is forever and I am working on myself and towards bringing my family together. This is why I am here. To learn. To grow. To be more like Jesus Christ. To serve. "When I am in the service of my fellow [children, husband] I am in the service of my God." My job may at times appear to be a thankless job, but in reality it is the most rewarding job. My reward will be gained in the eternities. In the eternities, when my children, husband and I will be together forever because of the atonement of Christ. When we will forever be in the presence of God, The Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. This is our life's goal. This is our family's goal.
Until then, I will wipes booger filled noses, wipe bottoms, clean dishes, clean clothes, clean bread crumb infested floors, scold a child for coloring on the walls, floor, or chairs. I will scold them for spiting and saying silly words like "poop" and for fighting. I will wipe tears. I will give hugs. I will listen. I will teach and hopefully, I won't yell. I will wash dishes only to wash them again. I will wash clothes only to wash them again and again. I will strive to be an example. I will learn from my little examples. I will live in the kitchen cooking meals and cleaning. I will read stories. I will explain what we have read in the scriptures. I will try to keep up with the housework (NOT very well). I will teach my child to read, write, spell, and compute numbers. I will help name toys. I will kiss. I will say, "I love you. I am proud of you."
After all of this WORK, I will sit back, maybe sigh, and hope I have enough energy left to get up and fold the mountain of laundry that never seems to be done and/or finish cleaning up after dinner. Sometimes I do, but mostly I don't have the energy to do anything but sit and watch my husband read the news. I know it will all be waiting for me tomorrow morning. I'll get up and hopefully, remember to pray before I start my calling all over again....hoping (remembering) I can do a better job this new day then I did the day before.
Until then, I will STRIVE to remember the message I received from my Comforter during the day...."Be Still My Soul The Lord is On Thy Side."