Today is my last due date and from the examination (which I think is totally unnecessary and I won't allow them to do again) I'm ONLY 2 centimeters. This is weird since it is my 4th child and I should already be done. I went early with the last birth, but, yes, every pregnancy is different. Plus, I really never knew the critical information for finding out a better due date (last cycle-ugh! I am bad at doing it).
I got my special bottles and cup feeders today in case nursing is not an option. I was not happy to get them, but it is a necessity since I really don't know the severity of the cleft. Seeing them put a finality on the verdict of the 'birth defect'. It brought it home to me. I guess you can say I was partially in denial. I mean I know it's the case, but I am not sure it is the case. Giving birth will ultimately bring me to face it.
I am really hoping for a mistake (Miracle) in the ultra sound because if it's a worse case scenario there is a lot to deal with in addition to the 'birth defect'...doctor's appointments, bills, speech therapy, kid's being cruel and surgeries. The ball starts rolling when she is 2 weeks old (2 hr drive from here) and continues on into (in some cases) adulthood. So, yeah, it can be fixed, and yes, I am thankful for technology; however, the reality of just the surgeries alone is a bit overwhelming.
Yet, I know I am not given a trial I cannot handle. Heavenly Father will give me strength to endure it all, which is probably why I haven't given birth. He knows exactly what I need. Of this I am truly grateful.
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